The Chosen alternate ending
by LibertysGrief
Summary: This is the original ending to The Chosen. Only Potok felt that it took away from the overall plot and point of the story so he just cut it out. Still, the book felt like it was missing something. Consider this as "filling in the blanks". Danny X Reuven
1. Chapter 1

This is the original ending to The Chosen. However, Potok felt that it took away from the overall plot and point of the story so he just cut it out, but still the book felt like it was missing something. Consider this as "filling in the blanks".

I looked over to where Danny sat hunched over and crying in the right chair by Reb Saunders desk. I wanted to do something. Anything to ease the pain that shook his entire body with sobs. I stepped over to him and tenderly rested my hand on his trembling form. He tensed when he felt my touch and raised his head to see me. His eyes were red and his cheeks wet, but even then his physical attractiveness was astounding. I wasn't blind to the way women looked at Danny on the street, their eyes lingering on his fair complexion and the smooth but sharp refinement of his features. He was taller than me too. I had always felt average in the looks department, but women liked me for my winning personality. However, now that Danny's engagement was broken, I wouldn't be the only one taking out lady friends. He could even top my score, since he was by far more attractive than I was.

"Reuven." The sound of my name snapped me back into reality. Danny was looking at me with a sorrowful, piercing gaze. I felt my insides churn. His eyes were so blue it blew me away every time they met mine.

"What is it? Do you need anything? A tissue perhaps?" He smiled and I left his side to get my tissue packet from my briefcase. I used it mostly for school, but I had become accustomed to carrying it with me often, and I had taken it to Danny's house today. He took the tissue I offered him, and wiped his eyes dry.

"Thank you," he said softly. "Thank you for everything you've done for me. Like coming over today. I… I'm glad you're here. It's easier because you're here." I smiled at him and put my hand on his shoulder. He flinched a little, but he didn't pull away.

"My father," he continued, "is a great man. And he is a good man. I could never hate him, even for the silence I was raised in. It was not all bad, and now… things will be fantastic!" His smile was shining. "I'm going to college! I'm going to study psychology! Before I met you, Reuven, I would have never believed it was possible. Thank you. Thank you so much!" His eyes were rimmed with fresh tears.

He stood up and enveloped me in a close embrace. Because of our height difference, I found my nose pressed between his neck and his shoulder. He smelled like Danny, and he smelled good. I closed my eyes against his black jacket, and I gently wrapped my arms around his waist, slowly tightening my grip until we were pressed so closely I thought I might melt into him. I felt him suck in a short breath and blow it out with a tremble. I pulled back enough to see his face, more than surprised to find it blushing and troubled.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's nothing." A pause. "Well it's just that we're… I mean..." It was clear to me that neither of us had broken away from the hug and we still stood together, holding each other. I let my arms drop to my sides.

"Sorry. I didn't realize."

"Reuven."

"Yes?"

"We're friends, right?"

"Of course!" I exclaimed. "Did you just figure this out?"

"That's not what I meant. I mean…" He looked away as if he were uncomfortable. "Never mind. I don't want to talk about it." He looked horribly deflated. I could tell whatever was on his mind must've been troubling him for sometime.

"You can tell me anything, Danny. That's what friends are for." I smiled as a sign for him to continue. His eyes were on the floor and he looked exceptionally apprehensive.

Well, I just… I don't think…I'm finding it hard to think of you as a friend."

"What?" I was aghast. "What are you saying? You mean even after everything we've been through together, you don't even think of me as your friend?" I was in such a state of disbelief, I forgot which way was left.

"No!" he said immediately. "Of course we're friends! That's not it at all!"

"Then what are you talking about!?"

"I just think… well, um." His brow was deeply furrowed and face was redder than a radish. "I think… I might think… of you… as more than a friend." He said his last bit so quiet I could barely hear it.

"L-like a brother?"

"No Reuven." He flopped down into his chair, with his flushed face buried in his hands.

It took me a moment to comprehend that what had just occurred was pretty much a blatant confession. Now it was my turn to blush. I stammered as I tried to form words, but nothing came to mind. We both stayed there in silence for what could've been a whole week and the Sabbath would've passed all over again. We probably missed services, but that was the last thing on my mind.

Danny… I wanted to touch him. To hug him and tell him everything was alright, but I wasn't sure if it would be true. The Torah strictly forbids the kind of relationship that he was implying. That he wanted with me. And that I wanted with him? I wasn't sure. I loved Danny, but not as a woman. But of course not as woman. Danny was not a woman. He was a man. He was attractive and tall and more intelligent than anyone I'd ever known. It probably took a lot of courage to admit to me his feelings. All this time he was holding it in. It was one secret that he couldn't tell anyone. He would know better than anyone the restrictions against romantic relationships between two men.

My stomach turned over suddenly at the thought of me being involved with Danny, romantically. It didn't feel good, but it wasn't out of disgust. It wouldn't be bad. It would be bad if anyone found out, right away. But it could be good between us. I swallowed hard and looked over to where he was sitting. His body was rocking slightly, back and forth. He was in obvious turmoil. Maybe, I was reading too much into this. Danny needed me now, and that was the only one thing I was sure of. I kneeled down so I was level with him, and I took his hands away from his face and laced them in with mine. He looked as if the Messiah had appeared and lit my hair on fire.

"Reuven, you-"

"Don't. Don't say anything." It was hard to look directly at him. Those blue orbs threatened to take away all my sense of reason. But his eyes softened and closed, and his forehead pressed against mine. I didn't pull away. I didn't move at all. I realized I was holding my breath and I unsteadily sucked in air. My heart was going overexert itself, beating at this rate.

As I contemplated how fast my heart would actually have beat for it to give up and stop altogether, Danny opened his eyes and looked at me. He looked through me, and into another dimension. Merciful God. It was the most terrifying and beautiful feeling I ever experienced. Then his eyes flickered shut and he pulled his forehead away from mine. I was about to say something, but I never would be sure what was on my mind, because the next second Danny's hand was at my chin, guiding my face to his in a soft kiss. And that's when my heart exploded. It was like all my senses had gone into overload, and I the only thing I could register was the feeling of Danny's lips on mine.

I was aware that I made an audible whimpering noise when he broke the connection. Danny pressed his lips to my cheek, while his fingers traced my jaw line. My hands rested on his knees, clenching and unclenching when he traced over a sensitive nerve. He pulled my glasses off slowly and set them on the desk. Then he pushed his nose against mine and stared at me.

"Danny…" Was I talking?

"Yes?"

"…I can't think," I said blankly. I sounded like an idiot.

"I still want to kiss you, Reuven."

My eyes widened and I gulped down the saliva that was rapidly forming at the thought. "What if your dad walks in and finds us here?"

His eyes darkened. "I don't think he will, but I understand if you don't want to continue."

"I do," I said, and before I realized I'd said it out loud, Danny tipped his head at an angle and we were kissing again. It was bliss. One of his hands rested firmly on my waist while the other one stroked my collarbone. I moaned into his lips and he smiled. Cheeky bastard. I didn't want to be the only one to feel so inferior. I moved one of my hands to his shoulder to steady myself as I moved the other hand up along his thigh. He groaned. When he did he opened his mouth slightly and I used the opportunity to drag my tongue across his lower lip. He gasped and pulled me in closer until our mouths were both fully open and locked on each other. I pulled him off the chair so we were both sitting on our knees. Eventually I had to break away, and while I panted for air, Danny's mouth traveled down to my throat where he sucked lightly on the tender skin. I arched my neck and leaned into his mouth. He sucked harder in approval of my reaction, and I moaned so loud I startled myself.

It was then that I became acutely conscious to the fact that we were obviously making out inside of Reb Saunder's study. I pulled away from him.

"We can't do this here. It feels wrong." Danny straightened, wiped his mouth and nodded slowly. His lips were pink and swollen, and his lids were heavy with arousal. I almost cried he looked so beautiful.

Yeah…" he said hazily. He was till trying to process what had just happened. You and me both, Danny.

I grabbed my glasses off the desk and put them on. Reb Saunder's study came into focus around me, and all the blood rushed to my face when I realized what we had just done. Here. In Reb Saunder's study. Jesus.

"What's wrong?" Danny asked, and he leaned in and cupped my face with the palm of his hand.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to study Talmud with you and father and be able to keep a straight face ever, ever again." His lips curved into a delicate smile. I could still taste them on mine. I shuddered.

"Danny we should go. Somewhere, but not here. This room is making me feel kind of suffocated."

"Ok. Whatever you wish." He stood up and pulled me up with him. I was back to staring at his chest and shoulders. There was a patch of exposed flesh peaking out from the top of his white button-down shirt. I reached out and touched the smooth skin. I felt Danny's body immediately stiffen and he choked out a low groan. I quickly pulled my hand back, but I was left with a sense of brief triumph at making Danny's whole body tremble with pleasure at a simple touch.

"Reuven?" His voice sounded dark and troubled. "Do you think what I feel for you is wrong?"

I hesitated. "No," I said. "I don't think it's wrong to be happy with the person you want to be with."

He looked unconvinced. "The Torah specifically forbids us being together."

I shook my head. "I don't have an answer. Yes, it does, but I don't care." His eyes were filled with tragedy and gratitude. He leaned his head against my shoulder, which he had to bend down to do, but he seemed comfortable resting in that position.

"I don't know what to do."

"Let's get out of here," I said. The study was making us both feel suffocated.

We left Danny's house and walked all the way back to mine. We walked so close together our hands would often touch and our arms would brush against each other. Neither of us said a word the whole way home, but we both knew exactly what the other one was thinking about.

When we reached my house, Danny said, "I don't know what's going to happen next, but I will start looking for an apartment near Columbia tomorrow. I'm afraid we won't see each other too often."

I nodded. "It's ok. It's not like you're moving to another state."

"No, " he said. I shuffled my feet, and tried to think of something to say. I didn't need to. "What will happen with us?"

"We don't have to decide that right now. You're thinking too far ahead."

"Are we moving too fast?" he asked.

"It's a lot to process in just a couple of hours. Let's sleep on it," I replied softly.

Danny pulled me into him and kissed me slowly and deeply. I wasn't worried about being caught with him, so I leaned into his kiss to return it fully. We broke away after what could've been fifteen minutes, and Danny turned and left me staring after him in the dark.


	2. Chapter 2

I hadn't seen Danny in weeks and it was driving me insane. We saw each other only twice after that day when we kissed. I saw him the day before he moved. He had shaved off his beard and earlocks. I was so used to seeing him with them, they had just become part of his face to me. To see him totally freshly shaved was like seeing him without a nose. But of course he was still as good looking as ever. It was a short visit that time so we didn't have a chance to discuss anything important. Also my father was with us, so we wouldn't have anyway.

The other time I saw him was on a Shabbat afternoon. The first term had already begun at both our universities, and he was in town visiting his family. He stopped by my house after morning services to invite me to come study Talmud with him and his father. I couldn't. I had already made Shabbat plans with my father.

"I want to talk with you, Reuven," he said.

"I do too. Will you be around tomorrow?"

"No. I'm going back tonight so I'll have tomorrow to work on my studies. The university keeps me unbelievably busy."

"Oh," was all I could manage. I wanted him to pull me into his arms and kiss me until I forgot my name, but this time was different. We were in broad daylight. People were casually walking along the roads, and my father and Manya were in the other room, either one liable to come out at any moment. You don't always get what you want.

"I could try to come see you next weekend," he suggested.

"That would be nice."

I thought we could meet and go somewhere to talk and catch up, like the baseball field where we first met, but the weekend rolled around and Danny didn't come to see me. He also failed to show the next weekend and the weekend after that. I thought he must've been avoiding me, because there was no way he would go so long without visiting his parents. They would have a Hasid-fit. He had to be in town some of the weekend.

Maybe it was because he was too busy taking out girls. I could see him with a different girl for every day of the week. Why would Danny want to spend time with a friend who he couldn't ever be in an acceptable relationship with, over the millions of females who can't help but lay down at his feet whenever he walked down the street? At least it made sense in my head.

It was 7:54pm on Saturday night. The sun had gone down and the Sabbath had come to an end. I lay resting on my bed, staring at the ceiling and making up ridiculous excuses for Danny's absence in my life. It was possible that what was absent was my life. I hadn't gone on a single date since Danny had kissed me. I felt pathetic and lonely.

I got up out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I paused to look at my reflection in the mirror, more out of masochism than narcissistic tendencies. What could Danny ever see in me anyway? None of my features stood out as exceedingly attractive. I was questionably lean, with almost no muscle definition, and I was only five-foot-ten, shorter than most of the men going to my university. My hair was brown, my eyes were brown, and my glasses took up the better part of my face. I sighed and leaned over into the sink, so my head was resting on top of the faucet.

"Reuven!" My father was calling me.

"What is it, abba? I shouted from the bathroom.

"Reuven! Danny is here to see you!" My breath caught in my throat. Danny was here. I dashed out of the bathroom, but I halted abruptly, reminding myself how odd it would look if I came running to the front door.

I walked into the front hallway, and there was Danny in my doorway. My father was asking him about his studies and how he was doing living on his own.

"It is nice arrangement," Danny replied politely. "All of my neighbors are very friendly. It wasn't hard to adjust to a new home."

"Sounds like you're doing very well. I would have Reuven get his own place, but there really has been no need since his college is so close, and honestly I enjoy my son's company."

Normally, I would like to engage in a lengthy conversation with Danny and my dad, but today Danny was the only one I wanted to see. My father must've sensed some urgency behind the visit, because he muttered something about finishing an article and left us alone. As soon as he disappeared down the hall, Danny grabbed my shoulders and crashed his lips against mine. I moaned. I'd been thinking, fantasizing, about Danny's lips in embarrassing abundance. I ran my hands up his back and into his short, sandy locks. God, I had missed him so much.

"I really missed you, Reuven," he mumbled into the kiss. My only response was to slide my tongue across his front teeth. He opened his mouth with no hesitation, and returned the favor. Were kissing for sometime, before Danny gently pushed me away.

"We need to talk about this," he said sternly. I nodded, still fairly dazed. "Do you want to go somewhere more private?"

"My house is as private as it's going to get."

"Yeah." He seemed a little anxious.

"Won't you come in?" Danny and I went to my living room, which was small but homey, and we sat together on the couch. Danny leaned over onto his knees and let out a long ragged sigh.

"I'm afraid," he said. I didn't say anything. I just waited for him to continue. "I can't see how my feelings can exist in a healthy, appropriate relationship with you. And I don't want to lose your friendship under any circumstance. But there are things I think…" He looked at me. His eyes were filled with sorrow and hopelessness. "I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do," he pleaded. I reached out and pulled him against my chest, resting my chin on top of his head. He was shaking.

"Calm down. You're just upsetting yourself."

"But Reuven, I can't go on like this! I long for you every moment of the day, but my mind is in such a state of disorder. I can't figure anything out and I bury myself in schoolwork so I don't have to think about what could happen. I can only think about bad things." My heart skipped a beat when he talked about "longing" for me. What could I tell him? What could I say to make it all better? I hated seeing him so upset and confused.

"I don't want to be with anyone but you, Danny." He abruptly jerked away from me and stared. Then he looked away. Then he looked me again.

"Really?" he asked. I nodded. He swallowed hard. "Me neither."

I couldn't help it. I opened my mouth and asked, "Why?"

"What do you mean "why"?" He looked suddenly irritated.

"I don't know. I mean, I'm just so average." That sounded stupid. "Never mind." I felt my cheeks heat up, and I tried to change the subject. "I'm really glad you came to see me. I thought I was going to go crazy I missed you so much."

Danny sighed. "You're not average, Reuven. Not to me. I think you're incredible." I blushed harder.

"Forget I said anything about it." Danny leaned over and kissed my ear. I flinched from the jolt of pleasure that shot up my spine.

"You want to know what I think is your most _attractive_ feature?" he murmured seductively into my ear. My face felt like it was going to spontaneously combust.

"W-what is it?"

"I like your eyes."

"They're brown."

"Yes, and they're deep, and sometimes troubled, and sometimes piercing. And they are perfectly framed by your long, dark eyelashes. Like a picture frame." He kissed the soft spot of my jaw that dipped to connect with my ear and neck. A soft, strangled sound escaped from my throat. "I only want you," he said.

"Then only be with me," I said shakily.

"Is that ok?"

"It's fine with me."

"It won't be with my father."

"Does that mean you're going to tell him?"

"No, he'd disown me." I pulled away from him. Danny's father might stop acknowledging him as a son because of me.

"I don't want you to lie to your father."

"You'd rather have me disowned?"

"No."

"You don't want to be together?" he asked. The weight of the question was so great it could have foretold the end of the world.

"I do. But I don't want you to get in trouble because of it."

"What about your father? How will he take it?"

"He wouldn't be happy." There was a brief silence. Then I heard Danny groan, and he moved back to his side of the couch. He covered his eyes with his hand. My heart ached thinking about our parents' guaranteed disapproval.

He uncovered his eyes and looked over at me. His eyes were as hard as his voice when he said, "It's down to you or my family."

"Do we have to talk about this right now?" I asked. My voice cracked in desperation to change the subject.

"If not now, then when?"

"I don't know, but right now it's making me upset." I could feel the tears prickling on the rims of my eyelids

His voice softened. "I'm sorry, Reuven. I did not want to upset you." I turned away from him so he couldn't see my pained expression. "Come here, Reuven. Let me make you feel better. Everything is good and safe."

"That's a lie," I replied bitterly. "You were just talking about how bad and complicated being in a relationship with me would be." I realized I was being a jerk and added, "I'm sorry. I just feel miserable whenever I think of you getting hurt because you decide to be with me. Which is what I want, but I don't want you to be hurt. I feel selfish and torn apart."

"I love you, Reuven." I stared at him in shock. "Nothing can change that fact. And I'm going to get hurt either way. There's nothing anyone can do to change that either." Pain pulsed through my heart.

"It's my fault. You love me and you suffer because of it."

"It's not your fault. It's mine for blatantly falling for you." He smiled. "Besides, you're the one who can make me feel better during the low points. I can face my father if I know you're by my side the whole way through."

He patted the empty space of the couch that was between us. "Please come over to me," he said. I scooted over to where he was patting, and he engulfed me in his arms and pressed me against his clothes and his body. I closed my eyes. I was so comfortable I felt like going to sleep for a month. "We don't have to tell anyone about this yet. For time being let's just be together."

His hand stroked my back and I buried myself father into him. I could his heartbeat, pumping blood through his veins. It sped up when I moved my palm across his chest.

"Reuven?" The way said my name sounded like a question.

"Nnn, what is it?"

"Are you busy tomorrow?"

"I have school work to do, but I didn't have any other plans. Why?"

"If you'd like you could come over to my apartment. No one would bother us there." My eyes widened at the proposition.

"Really?"

"Yeah, we could go there tonight, and you'd come back tomorrow to do your school work."

"What would we do at your apartment?" I asked in voice that sounded unusually high.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to. We could talk or sleep. I think it would be more fun than if I just left. In morning maybe I could show you the Columbia campus."

"I'd like to come over," I said. He smiled warmly. "But I have to tell my dad I'm going. I'll be right back."

I got up and went into my father's study. He was at his typewriter, typing diligently. He looked older than I usually pictured him. The year shad left his hair streaked with gray and eyes the witnesses to countless tragedies and triumphs.

"Abba, Danny invited me to go with him to his apartment for the night, and in the morning he's going to show me around the university."

"Go then, and I'll see you tomorrow when you get back. Have a good time."

"Thank you, abba." I went into the bathroom to grab my toothbrush and met Danny at the door. He pulled me into a soft, unexpected kiss before he pulled me out the door and into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

The descriptions of Danny's apartment are copyrighted to Chaim Potok, taken from his book, The Promise, sequel to The Chosen.

We arrived at Danny's apartment at 10:00pm, but I wasn't the least bit tired. The subway ride had been wholly uneventful aside from when Danny deliberately placed his hand on mine and squeezed.

His apartment was on the top floor of an old three-story redbrick house on a side street off Riverside Drive. It had only one room and was a lot messier than I anticipated. There were books everywhere, on an unmade sofa bed, on the counters of his kitchen area (formerly a closet), on his table and on his desk. The bookcase against the wall was completely full, jammed packed with all kinds of papers and novels and textbooks and everything was illuminated by a dim light overhead.

"So this is where you live?" It came out as a question though I had not expected an answer.

"It's convenient," was his reply.

"It's a pretty miserable apartment."

"I can't afford anything else. I spend most of my money on books."

"I can see that."

He smiled. "All I really need is a place to eat, sleep and study. This is all I need." He motioned for me to sit on the sofa bed and he sat beside me. "Sorry if you don't like my place."

"I wouldn't choose it for a place of my own, but if you're satisfied with it then that's all that matters."

"Can I touch you?" I almost fell of the sofa bed at the swiftness of his question.

"That was quick. You're not going to even offer me a cup of coffee first?" I stared at him with incredulity.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Yeah sure," I replied. Danny got up and went over to the sink piled high with dirty dishes. He dug out a mug and began to boil some water. I watched him as he prepared the beverage. I thought of us. We were really together now. Sort of. I mean I was spending night at his house. That must've counted as some relationship milestone.

He came back over with two mugs and handed me one. "Cream and two sugars."

"Correct," I affirmed, and tentatively sipped at the warm liquid. Danny finished his coffee before I was even halfway done with mine. He stood and took his empty cup to the kitchen, piling it carefully on top of the other dishes. He came back to me and took away my cup and set it on the table near us.

"Hey, I wasn't finished," I protested.

"Don't care," he muttered. He moved around me to pull the futon out the rest of the way, which sprung from the couch with a thud and nearly knocked me off onto the ground. Then he pushed me over onto my back, slid my glasses off my face, and leaned over me with his hands rested on either side of my head. A sudden panic rose into my throat.

"Danny, I really don't think we should do this yet. It's too soon. We haven't been together that long and I don't feel ready," I stammered.

He blushed. "Reuven, I'm not about to go through with what you think. I just want to kiss you."

"Oh," I said.

He flipped himself off me so he was sitting to my side. I pushed myself up on my arms, and he leaned over pressed his lips against my temple. Then against my jaw. Then my throat. I whimpered and titled my head back so he could have a larger access. He complied without hesitation.

Danny kissed and sucked up and down the side of my neck until the skin was raw and tender. I moaned from the waves of aching ecstasy that spread down my back. I was wearing a loose button-up shirt underneath my jacket. Danny tugged off the jacket and placed it behind him. Then he unbuttoned the first few buttons of my shirt and spread his fingers against my bare skin. I sucked in a heavy breath and let him run his hand across my chest.

He moved his hand from my chest to my shoulder, where he tightly gripped it and pulled me to him so he could kiss me on the lips. I opened my mouth for him and he pushed his tongue along the inside of my cheeks, drawing it back down my teeth. As he was drawing it back I closed my mouth around the tip of his tongue and sucked. He moaned and pressed his body tightly against mine. I tipped my head and met his tongue with mine and we both leaned in to deepen the kiss.

Now we were both sitting upright, facing each other. My half-buttoned shirt was sliding down one of my arms, and Danny ran his hand across my exposed shoulder. I shivered, and grabbed his hand, forcing him backwards. My turn, I thought to myself.

He was propped up on one of his arms, the other tightly in my grasp, while I leaned over him and evaluated my plan of action. He was wearing a v-neck sweater over a button-down shirt, not unlike mine. I reached down to yank the sweater off over his head and his arms went over his head to assist, but without the support he fell onto his back. His hair was mused, his face was flushed, and the collar of his shirt was falling to the side. I tossed the sweater behind me and leaned down to kiss the place where his collar was hanging open. I licked and suckled and he withered beneath my touch.

"Reuven…" he moaned. I relished in the small, mewling noises I forced out of him with every touch my lips. When I gingerly bit into his skin, his whole body convulsed, his hips jerked into mine, and he grinded them roughly upward. My arms gave out from the impact of blinding rapture that crippled my muscles, and I fell on top of him. If this continued for much longer I wouldn't be able to stop. I wouldn't be able to let him stop.

Before I had the chance to speak, Danny pushed me down on to my back and unbuttoned my shirt the rest of the way. Then he placed both of his hands on my hips and kissed my stomach. I arched my back and gasped. He traced my belly button with his tongue, and kissed downwards to the base of my abdomen. I was loosing mind to the sensations spreading up and down my body. I couldn't lose control. I couldn't go any further.

"Danny!" I panted, and I pulled both of his hands off my hips.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

"We have to stop now. I'm afraid we won't be able to if we go any further." He blushed and looked away.

"You're right," he sighed. I sat up slowly, and Danny stared at the place where I had been on my back beneath him. Then he looked up at me and smiled softly.

"I have a question," I said.

His eyebrows rose slightly. "By all means, ask."

"This kissing business. It's a bit excessive. If I were a woman you wouldn't touch me until we were married."

"What's your question?"

"Oh, well, why can you do it with me?"

"It's not that I _can_. I'm not even supposed to be with you. It's just I've always touched you, Reuven. When we walked and greeted each other. This physical aspect between us is driven more by instinct than desire." I shifted my eyes from his face.

"I was just thinking about how you were the one who kissed me first. It was so sudden. I would think that if it's less decent to be with me than a woman you would hold back even more."

Danny sighed and leaned back onto his hands. "I didn't plan to kiss you, it just happened. It was an entirely subconscious decision. I knew I loved you for a while up until the point when we first kissed, and I had sort of come to terms with it. I knew from the start I couldn't treat you like a woman because you're not a woman. It's not as if we will have a marriage to indicate that it's okay for us to touch. I guess I assumed we could just be together and not worry about those kinds of restrictions. We have other restrictions to worry about."

"When did you know you loved me?"

"During the period of silence between us. But I suppose I must've loved you for a long time and not realized it until then, and it was torturous when I finally did realize it. I couldn't live with myself." His face fell and he looked away. "It was difficult time. I kept going over and over it in my head. I thought something was wrong with me. All the time I was also suffering from my father's unexplainable silence. Those times I was all alone." He looked back at me. "What is it? You look like you've witnessed a tragedy."

"It's just sad. I'm so sorry you were alone."

"It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your father's either. My father has a reputation to keep. He has to maintain his ethical code in the presence of his people. I was his sacrifice. But if you want to hear something a little more positive, when my father lifted the ban I felt as if I had seen the light of hope after years of wandering in darkness. That's when I knew I could not ever be without you again. And as soon as I accepted that I did not suffer as much. My only troubles were wondering if you would stop being my friend if you ever found out. There you go. I had learned to live with myself only to learn I could not live without you."

There was silence before I finally said, "I love you too, you know."

Danny pushed himself towards me, and captured my lips in one swift movement. Then he wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his head into my lower ribs.

"Why?" he asked.

It took me a moment to realize he was mocking me for before, and I laughed out loud. "You're joking, aren't you?"

He laughed too. "Only a little." He pulled away from me and sat back on his knees. "However, it was a serious question. Why do you love me?" His voice was soft, and his eyes were intent on my answer.

"There isn't one reason. I guess I'd say it's because you're my best friend, and I'm happy with you."

He leaned in close to me, his face only a few inches from mine. "But, why do you _love_ me. That's more than just friendship."

"What can I say? Just by leaning in you leave me speechless…" He smiled. "You've always fascinated me with your intelligence, and your kind, patient manner. You don't lose you temper that much and I think that attributed to your endless patience, which I don't have unfortunately. Anyway, I think you're lovely."

"What do you think is my most attractive feature?" he asked.

I grinned and waved my hand in a gesture up and down his body. "All this." His smile widened and he kissed me, all the time still smiling. I kissed him too, and we both fell back onto the futon kissing.

After a while had passed, he pulled away from me. "You really love me, huh?"

"I do love you. I love everything about you. I even love your ugly, messy apartment."

"If you'd come over more often, I'd keep it clean. Just for you."

I grinned. "I accept your invitation."

"I so happy with you, Reuven. People may say that us being together is wrong, but I believe it's only because they themselves have never felt so happy. Why else could they ever tear anyone from such joy?"

"You must be right, but don't worry. No one will tear us apart, Danny." His reply was to press his forehead against mine. His eyes closed, and soon my eyes did too, and we lay like that until the sun rose.


End file.
